Common Emotional and Relationship Issues for Today’s Woman
By Bibiana Rueda Bueno, Holistic Psychologist
The devaluation of the feminine energy and our attempts to fit into roles assigned by society and others plays a part in many of the emotional and relationship issues women face today. Understanding how these issues are affect our lives and how we see ourselves can help us reconnect with our feminine energy. Through this process we can grow stronger in our sense of self and build happier relationships.
Take for example the successful career woman in Shanghai, who despite much success does not feel happy or connected with herself. She may feel a sense of emptiness or depression, or may be struggling with her relationships.
A single woman may have an urge to be with someone but be stuck not “knowing how”. She may be so integrated into the masculine, competitive side of herself that she has squashed the feminine—intuitive, feeling, communicating—side. This means she may always pursue the wrong person or not open up to a deep relationship. Those who are in a relationship may struggle with how to be successful while nurturing the relationship.
Many women also face challenges as their kids are getting older. They have focused so much on their role as Mom that they now feel they’ve lost themselves. Sometimes the mother takes on the role of controlling everything in the household, feeling she has to “do it all” and make many of the decisions. In many ways she plays the mothering role to both her children and her husband. Therefore, both she and her husband are missing “the couple” or find they have little connection beyond their children. They may seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere, further drawing them apart.
Reconnecting and Rebuilding
The first step is looking at how we see ourselves. This means working on being honest with ourselves and identifying our priorities and desires. We have choices, but it’s common to follow the roles and expectations that society, family and friends place on us (directly or through subconscious messaging). As women, we are trained to give but often don’t know how to receive. We first examine this and work on being honest about what we want (which is different for everyone) and befriending ourselves again. This can lead to taking new directions in life, finding purpose and rediscovering old passions.
To reconnect with our feminine energy, we have to listen to and be connected with our bodies. Do we even look at or feel our body? Are we struggling with body image issues? Do we listen when our body says it’s exhausted or getting sick? How often do we push down our desires and physical needs? Do we look in the closet only to see drab, practical clothing when we once loved nothing more than bright colors and silky shirts?
To work on reconnecting to the body, clients complete homework tasks which can be as simple as rubbing lotion on the body or taking a bubble bath and spending time enjoying the physical sensation. It’s great to try a new physical activity like belly dancing or yoga, or make regular time to do something self-indulgent. This isn’t the same as going to the spa with girlfriends because you feel you have to, but doing what honestly makes you feel great.
Many of these emotional and relationship problems are tied up in trying to fit into a masculine dominated world. The key is to find the balance and to help women connect with their vulnerability and stop hiding their true selves. This is not weakness, but finding the strength to be in charge of one’s self.
Bibiana Rueda – Bueno is a holistic psychologist who combines clinical psychology, psycho genealogy (family tree) therapy and alternative techniques such as chakra harmonization, energy healing and cleansing to treat her patients. If you need support embracing your femininity, learning to love your body and love yourself for a fulfilled life and quality relationships, contact Body & Soul.
Body & Soul combines Eastern medicine and Western science to provide the most natural, effective health solutions in four convenient locations throughout Shanghai. Services offered are covered by insurances and include TCM and acupuncture, osteopathy, chiropractic, physical therapy, psychological counseling, podiatry and functional medicine among others. Follow them on Wechat for more health and wellness tips!